The Flight...From Hell..

Greetings from Tokyo!  We have arrived in Japan after a SIGNIFICANT delay at Chicago O'Hare.  I believe we were supposed to leave some time around 1PM and we didn't end up taxi'ing down the runway until after 9PM (after a while I gave up and stopped looking at my watch).

Here are some highlights:

• We realize that our plane is being "serviced" and won't take off until 5PM
• We get a call telling us that the plane will depart at 5:30PM
• "..." at 5:50PM

None of this is inspiring confidence in me...I don't want to ride on a jalopy plane for 13 hours.  During our wait we find out that we're getting a new plane that has to be brought form another terminal.  FINALLY we begin boarding

but wait

there's more

"Ladies and gentlemen, there appears to be a problem with our lavatories.  We're bringing the mechanic back on board to fix it"

oh...

you thought they were done?

"Ladies and gentlmen, it appears that a lot of people are making their way to the west coast...we'll have to sit here for another 20-30 minutes.  I've been advised to turn off the jets to preserve fuel"

Might I add, the mention of "preserving fuel" is not inspiring confidence in me.

30 minutes later:  "Ladies and gentlemen it's going to be another 15-20 minutes"

By the time we got in the air, we should have been halfway through our flight.

As all of you know, I've been freaking a bit about how long this flight was going to be.  I'd like to report that I hit a point of delirium similar to when I reached mile 10 during the half marathon.  None of my thoughts were making any sense.  When I put on my eye mask to completely block out the light and thought to myself, "this must be what Stevie Wonder feels like", I knew that I was no longer in my right frame of mine.

I ordered a rum and Coke to get me through...only to spill it on myself and have soggy pants.  I was immediately reminded of the time my pants fell in the toliet on my 25th birthday and I had to wear them because I had nothing else.  I looked around sadly at everyone else with dry pants.  I also realized, as I walked to the bathroom in pants that looked like they'd been pissed in, that I do have one thing that will embarrass me - perceived incontinence.

Flying for that long was like being in suspended animation.  Nothing's going on but you're completely aware of it.  My hands started to swell and in my groggy mind I wondered if I was allergic to something on the plane or if I was getting blood clots.  I distinctly remember thinking, "I don't know anything any more" before drifting back into a half sleep.